And time keeps draggin’ on

“The world that we tremblingly stepped out into in that decade was a bitter, gray one. But San Francisco was a special place. Rexroth said it was to the arts what Barcelona was to Spanish Anarchism. Still, there was no way, even in San Francisco to escape the pressure of the war culture. we were locked in the pressure of the Cold War and the first Asian debacle — the Korean War. My self image in those years was of finding myself — young, high, a little crazed, needing a haircut, in an elevator with burly crew-cutted, square jawed eminences, staring at me like I was misplaced cannon fodder. … We saw that the art of poetry was essentially dead — killed by war, buy academies, by neglect, by lack of love, and by disinterest. We knew we could bring it back to life.” Michael McCLure

“The Seventh-day Adventists and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are thriving religious movements indigenous to America. Do not be surprised if QAnon becomes another. It already has more adherents by far than either of those two denominations had in the first decades of their existence. People are expressing their faith through devoted study of Q drops as installments of a foundational text, through the development of Q-worshipping groups, and through sweeping expressions of gratitude for what Q has brought to their lives. Does it matter that we do not know who Q is? The divine is always a mystery. Does it matter that basic aspects of Q’s teachings cannot be confirmed? The basic tenets of Christianity cannot be confirmed. Among the people of QAnon, faith remains absolute. True believers describe a feeling of rebirth, an irreversible arousal to existential knowledge. They are certain that a Great Awakening is coming. They’ll wait as long as they must for deliverance. Trust the plan. Enjoy the show. Nothing can stop what is coming.” Adrienne LaFrance

“Recently, I read that Charlie Brooker, the creator of the ‘Black Mirror” series, is holding off on a sixth season. The plot of every Black Mirror episode, of course, is that same one about How Innovation Goes Wrong that I and my colleagues keep telling again and again. Brooker told ‘Radio Times’ that he didn’t think people could stomach the story any more, and he’s shifting to lighter fare. Here’s to happy endings.” Steven Levy

“The whole huge bounty of the past, every dinosaur fight and asteroid blast and flood and war and ice age and invention and mistake, has led to this particular second — to me sitting here at my desk eating a peanut butter chocolate protein bar, worrying that my pants are too tight, writing these words about the nature of existence. No bush has ever rustled precisely the way the bush is rustling outside my window right now. No one has ever inhaled exactly the bouquet of fresh molecules that you just inhaled, this very moment, into your unique wet lungs. And yet our moments are also constantly dying. We pass through time like someone walking through a swarm of mayflies: The moments come so thick that we hardly notice them dropping around us, and we can’t imagine they will ever be gone.” Sam Anderson

“To-morrow’s action! Can that hoary wisdom, borne down with years, still doat upon tomorrow! That fatal mistress of the young, the lazy, The coward, and the fool, condemn’d to lose, a useless life in waiting for to-morrow, to gaze with longing eyes upon to-morrow, till interposing death destroys the prospect. Strange! that this general fraud from day to day should fill the world with wretches undetected. The soldier, labouring through a winter’s march, still sees to-morrow drest in robes of triumph; still to the lover’s long-expecting arms to-morrow brings the visionary bride, but thou, too old to hear another cheat.” Dr. Johnson


Are you talking about the guy I shot in Reno?

This was the week that went downhill fast. Give or take a few days it’s been about six months since my last haircut given the quarantine. Last Wednesday some guy at the grocery store hollered, “COOL HAIR, BUT YOU NEED A BEARD TO GO WITH IT! YOU’D BE AWESOME!”

I waved politely while growling under my washable mask. Of all the over-used bonsai’d adjectives “awesome” is at the top of my shit list. It makes no difference how “awesome” something is and it makes no difference how much awesome sauce you smother it with – the word makes you sound like a moron. Thanks to social distancing I didn’t have to get close to the guy to explain my objection to the use of the word nor did I have to tell him that there’s not going to be a beard.

Why?

Because now that color of the hair on the face matches the color of the hair on the head I’d look like the f’n Bumble.

While that was going on my stature in the community came falling back to Earth. In the last installment you might remember that some one thought I was the founder of some professional group and some sort of non-profit guru. This week it was one phone call after another for the better part of three days informing me that I would not be getting my Social Security check this month because of my criminal record.

This came as quite a surprise.

I had no idea I was getting Social Security.

The reason why no check this month?

Not so much.

Since when have I been getting Social Security?

How much am I getting and what did I do with the money?

This is going to give me self-esteem issues.

OK – new ones – the old ones are right where I left them.

Cripessake – I don’t need this right now. We have to get going with the formalities.


PLEASE RISE AND REMOVE YOUR HATS FOR THE PLAYING OF OUR NATIONAL QUARANTINE ANTHEM*


“You’re a full grown cat still watching cartoons!” Ren Höek

Over the past couple of months you’ve been deluged with all sorts of what-to-watch or what-to-listen-to lists. All well and good, but as a public service I will now tell you what to avoid.

AUDIO:

I love a good critical take down especially when it’s about a band I loathe.

Nevertheless, the culture couldn’t get enough of “Kokomo.” The song hit radio in the summer of 1988, and in early November, it reached No. 1, the first time a Beach Boys track had topped the charts since “Good Vibrations.” Suddenly, the band (Beach Boys sans Brian Wilson) was back in demand. They played “Kokomo” at halftime shows. It was central to the plot of a Full House episode. Hell, even the Muppets did a version of “Kokomo.”

But simultaneously, there were a growing number of brave souls who absolutely despised that song. When the now-defunct music magazine Blender (in conjunction with VH1) put together a list of the 50 Worst Songs of All Time for its May 2004 issue, “Kokomo” placed at No. 12, decried as a “gloopy mess of faux-Caribbean musical stylings” filled with “anodyne harmonizing and forced rhymes.” In July 2015, pop-culture writer Molly Lambert went after “Kokomo” even more aggressively, complaining in Grantland that songs like that and “Margaritaville” were inherently racist:

“As sung by white dudes Buffett and the Beach Boys, ‘Kokomo’ and ‘Margaritaville’ always make me think first of colonialism, because of the complex and harsh colonial histories of the tropical countries in which white vacationers Buffett and the Beach Boys suggest you take a totally carefree vacation free of any cultural context. There’s a clip in the ‘Kokomo’ video where you see white women splashing in the ocean and then a black woman walks across the frame carrying a tray of tropical drinks. Kokomo is not relaxing when you have to work there.”

But even if most people ignored the song’s uglier implications, it was fairly easy to just “OK Boomer” the track’s glib pursuit of brainless fun. (It was a little too perfect, really, that “Kokomo” appeared on the same soundtrack as “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” Bobby McFerrin’s similar ode to guilt-free docility.) Pretty soon, “Kokomo” became a cliché of Corona-on-the-beach escapism — the epitome of slick, empty yacht-rock hedonism. – from The Worst Summer Song Ever

VIDEO:

Here at The Dude Ranch Above the Sea Hulu is our preferred streaming service. Not only does it have a better selection of trash viewing than the others it also has The Handmaid’s Tale. Mom’s a fan of the show and it’s must-see tv for us libtards as we never know when Barbara Streisand might phone and quiz us about the most recent episode. Hulu also gets the short shrift on most of these lists or at least it did until this week when some of the list creators were gushing about Solar Opposites.

While many of the people associated with Rick and Morty, sadly much of Solar Opposites comes off like lo-cal, lo-carb plant-based Rick and Morty. The show was intended for Fox as I’m sure there was some Fox v-p who was looking for something ‘edgy’ and as well all know network vp’s want something edgy until they finally get something edgy.

Then they run like hell.

Solar Opposites was retooled for Hulu, assuming your definition of retooled means seeing how many f-bombs you can pack into 25 minutes. The real root of the problem comes from Solar Opposites being pitched to a network instead of Adult Swim. For almost 20 years the superior animated adult fare has come from Adult Swim. Freed from prime time Adult Swim managed to get away with the wonderfully subversive Boondocks (the Bob Ross as urban art guerilla being the best one) and The Venture Brothers who managed to do the one and only complex parody of the movie Magnolia. Given that background it was little wonder that Rick and Morty, an Adult Swim original took off.

For those of you who have never seen R&M you might want to look around for The Rickshank Redemption. It’s the quintessential episode as it not only offers you unvarnished Rick, it also kicked off the McDonalds Szechuan sauce commotion.

If you want a sample of R&M here’s 95 seconds of The Rickshank Redemption.

And the damn sauce riot was why I never took the Gamergate people seriously.

Who wants to read something scrawled all over the Internet by some nerd who’ll trample anybody who gets in his way just so he can get something he saw in a cartoon?

Asking for a friend.

Speaking of required viewing…

Does Macy tell Gimbel?

It’s 17 minutes, but well worth it.

Tom Nichols taught at the Navy War College and was an advisor to both of the Bushes. He was a regular contributor to The Federalist, a website devoted to lifting up the God-fearing, churching-going folk who made America what it is today. The only hitch in this is that he hates Trump which – I think – makes him a RiNo and a RiNO – I think – is defined as a registered Republican who puts on a fake beard and sunglasses before shopping at the health food store.

Kinda wanted to get that out there before Obamagate takes over the news. So far all I’ve learned is that Obama tried to help Hillary every step of the way in 2016. Supposedly he pressured people, tried to rig the primaries, and he even let her copy off his algebra homework at lunchtime. All of this overlooks the party’s own Super Delegate apparatus which was the fail safe in case Bernie got too close to being nominated. The SD’s have been around for quite sometime. The original intention was to make sure someone like Jimmy Carter never got the nomination. (Hey, can’t be too careful Jimmy’s still alive and he still has one more term coming.) While many see this as undemocratic, the SD’s are really a more subtle and highly weaponized version of my grandmother’s natural habitat, the smoke filled room.

The only way any of us can put an end to Obamagate is to never vote for him again.

We have to make sure he’ll never hold public office for the rest of his life.

Otherwise it’s time to synchronize out watches.

1. Tara Reid was allegedly attacked in the Senate Office Building, a cold a drafty building made possible by the good people of America’s taxes. So whatever happened – given the location – must have been in the public interest.

So some people cool with it.

2. E. Jean Carroll was attacked in a dressing room at Bergdorf Goodman in Manhattan. So that makes it all classy ‘n shit.

So some people cool with it.

Now that we have our respective hypocrisies aligned let us all link arms and march forward to November!

oh … wait … that’s not social distancing…

You are practicing social distancing, right?

Holding up OK?

Family OK?

Anybody trying to tunnel out?

Just to be safe – why don’t you go out to the kitchen and count the spoons.

I’ll wait here.



*Tip o’ the tinfoil lined M’s cap to KEXP’s Don Slack who ran out a set of songs about staring at the walls on this week’s show.